$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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