nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
