eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize