i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
