I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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