my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
