Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
