it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
