I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
