Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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