well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
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