im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
