I just pynch a tree in the face
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
