wrigley field is MILF paradise
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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