sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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