I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
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