remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
