So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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