Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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