Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
