Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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