So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
