We're facebook friends in real life
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
