she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
