I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
