He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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