quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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