Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Randomize
