im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
dude i'm inner monologue high
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
