I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
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