Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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