he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
