Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
