I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
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