covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Randomize
