your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
