She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
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