All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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