I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
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