Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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