Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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