i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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