My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
This is classic penis vs brain.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
