his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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