He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
