respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
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I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
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'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
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