yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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