I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
My pussy is not your playground.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
