Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
