this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
