I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
they're like a gay fantastic four
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
