sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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