she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
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