Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
