At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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