you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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