How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
