I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
why do cheetos always look like penises
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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