i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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