Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
